wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
