So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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