Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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