I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
