Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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