I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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