so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
