why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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