I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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