Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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