Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
