dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
