Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
