do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
