He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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