Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
