is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
