Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
