Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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