Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
