Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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