you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
