yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
