I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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