all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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