Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
