Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Houston, we have a blender
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Success! We fucked roommates!
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