I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
