I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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