Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
farters have to be the big spoon...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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