I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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