really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
