the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
