this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
