dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
