My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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