Ambien. No doubt about it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
