I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
