Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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