Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
