So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
