Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
