i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
