he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
