i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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