I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Someone shit on the floor
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
