I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My vagina is very pro this idea
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
