Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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