Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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