the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just made my gag reflex go away.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
