my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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