trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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