She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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