better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
