Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
