His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
